Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Spider Karma
7:05 a.m. / 07:05
I'm a vegetarian bug killer. As in, I am a vegetarian and I kill bugs. So sue me. Most of the time I don't worry too much one way or anther about it. Actually, being a girl, it's sort of point of pride that I can and will tackle ugly bugs when need be, rather than just screaming. It's just a bug. Okay, sometimes it's a seriously gross bug, but still, most of the time it's not really going to harm me. That leads me to the next bit: I don't actually kill all bugs. It depends on what they are and where they are. I'm actually fairly content to let some poor pale goth spider live over my shower. Crickets in the basement? Disgusting, but I let them be. Actually, so far my basement here is gloriously cricket-free. But I digress. Again. You see the event this post was born of happened not much past 6:00 a.m. today when I was in the basement putting today's work clothes in the dryer. There was a spider by the old shower drain. It was a notably brown spider. Upon closer inspection, I decided that even though it was brown and lurking in my basement, it didn't actually seem to be an evil Brown Recluse. But I killed it just in case. I have a thing with Brown Recluse spiders. I know that just about no one likes them what with them being poisonous and all, but since learning about them years ago I've sort of lived in constant fear of them... it's just an easily repressed fear that only surfaces when I see a brown spider. So this morning I killed a brown spider that was probably not a Brown Recluse because I just wanted to be sure. A similar situation ended in the death of another brown spider maybe two weeks ago at work, just outside the staff room. For some reason I'm feeling funny about having killed two spiders so close together. What has this done to my spider karma? If I kill a third tomorrow, will a trained assassin Black Widow arrive in the midwest just for me? Probably not... I have no idea where I get this stuff from.
I'm a vegetarian bug killer. As in, I am a vegetarian and I kill bugs. So sue me. Most of the time I don't worry too much one way or anther about it. Actually, being a girl, it's sort of point of pride that I can and will tackle ugly bugs when need be, rather than just screaming. It's just a bug. Okay, sometimes it's a seriously gross bug, but still, most of the time it's not really going to harm me. That leads me to the next bit: I don't actually kill all bugs. It depends on what they are and where they are. I'm actually fairly content to let some poor pale goth spider live over my shower. Crickets in the basement? Disgusting, but I let them be. Actually, so far my basement here is gloriously cricket-free. But I digress. Again. You see the event this post was born of happened not much past 6:00 a.m. today when I was in the basement putting today's work clothes in the dryer. There was a spider by the old shower drain. It was a notably brown spider. Upon closer inspection, I decided that even though it was brown and lurking in my basement, it didn't actually seem to be an evil Brown Recluse. But I killed it just in case. I have a thing with Brown Recluse spiders. I know that just about no one likes them what with them being poisonous and all, but since learning about them years ago I've sort of lived in constant fear of them... it's just an easily repressed fear that only surfaces when I see a brown spider. So this morning I killed a brown spider that was probably not a Brown Recluse because I just wanted to be sure. A similar situation ended in the death of another brown spider maybe two weeks ago at work, just outside the staff room. For some reason I'm feeling funny about having killed two spiders so close together. What has this done to my spider karma? If I kill a third tomorrow, will a trained assassin Black Widow arrive in the midwest just for me? Probably not... I have no idea where I get this stuff from.
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OMFG. The phrase "poor pale goth spider" may be the funniest thing you've written this year. Maybe ever. :D
Actually, this whole post is pretty funny, even though I've been told that killing spiders indoors is bad luck (I kill the big ones that look like they want to bite me.)
Actually, this whole post is pretty funny, even though I've been told that killing spiders indoors is bad luck (I kill the big ones that look like they want to bite me.)
Maybe you'll get a n00b assassin Black Widow instead. I hear their training budget has been really low ever since Spider-Man 3 tanked.
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