Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Coco The Colossal Colon (Etc.)

11:15 p.m. / 23:15

I've seen flyers around town with a camouflage print advertising an event called Combat Cancer. This is almost funny, but then it goes on to say the event will feature Coco the Colossal Colon. Coco the Colossal Colon?! What? Coco is a big, fake colon that kids can crawl through. Seriously. Is that not hilarious? I somehow can't help but wonder how Coco Channel would feel about this. It's maybe kind of cool, too in a way, but... oh, if you could only see the flyer. You can see the Coco the Colossal Colon web page!

It's just so hard to think seriously about cancer when you're looking at something with camo print excitedly announcing you should mark your calender for Coco the Colossal Colon. I'm sorry, but it's a very cheesy flyer.

Just to be clear, even though I think Coco is bizarre and funny, I understand that colon cancer is serious. I actually lost my paternal grandmother to it before I was even born. I would have liked to have had her around as a kid, and now too, so anything they can do so that this doesn't happen to more grandmothers and granddaughters, etc., is great.


My toilet is in the dining room. I just think it's fun to say that. Go ahead; call me weird. I'm telling the truth, though. The downstairs bathroom (a.k.a. "my bathroom") is having major work done. It's going to be spiffy when it's done, but for now... my toilet is in the dining room.

Since my parents' bathroom is accessible only by walking through their bedroom, I have a special ink pen that lights up blue that I've been given to find my way past my their bed when I have to go up there at night. My dad suggested it because it's bright enough to see where I'm going, but if I accidentally wake them up, the blue light won't be as bothersome as if I'd turned on the ceiling light or brought a big flashlight.

But it feels silly. Actually, I sort of feel like a character in some long, adventure-saga video game, holding up my magic pen to guide me through the darkness. Do you know how many fire-breathing kumquats I had to kill to get this thing, man?!?


I spent a little time this morning considering moving to an all-female island after the following events:

1. I opened my bedroom door while still half-asleep to find... another door. My dear, dear dad thought it'd be funny to lean the the door from the bathroom linen closest (currently chillin' in the dinning room with the toilet) against my door frame, so I'd have to move it to get out. I was not amused.

2. I arrived at work to find that one or more of the bookshelvers (a.k.a. "the boys") had spent part of their shift last night crafting a pen-and-pencil mobile to hang from my locker (which is nearly on the floor, so hanging of mobiles doesn't go well). They think I'm a total freak because I devoted some free time yesterday to A) sharpening all the pencils B) throwing out pens and markers that don't work C) redistributing the remaining resources so there will actually be pens and pencils where pens and pencils are most needed.

"Yes kids, step right up and see Coco the Colossal Colon, you can crawl right through. You're crawling through the colon, do you know what that makes you? That's right, little pieces of shit"

"I opened my bedroom door while still half-asleep to find... another door."

How many fire-breathing kumquats *did* you have to kill, anyways? Oh, and don't you have to be at a certain level to use that pen-light?

And sharpened pencils and working pens are always a good thing...boys are just stupid.
I saw the colon today, but couldn't bring myself to actually crawl through it.
i concur that colon cancer is not funny (no one in my family died from it because my great uncle opted for a self-inflicted gunshot wound instead.) the idea of children crawling through an enormous colon? now that's hilarious, and also disturbing. and i don't get how that will increase awareness of cancer. for breast cancer can we get big inflatable boob trampolines?

also, while your boys are dumb, it sounds like you were having a bit of an ocd day.
I think that Coco is quite possibly the most hilarious and most disturbing thing I have heard about this week.
If only Coco were made of Cocoa. . .though eating a giant colon would seem rather distasteful.
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